( He knows what Hani refers to - on at least on occasion (the screenshotted text) - because Hani had made such fanfare about it. He isn't sure he wants to know if there are other occasions they consider wanting. He isn't sure what he feels about any of this. He isn't sure about - anything.
Hani's touch feels nice against his cool skin. He hadn't realized he was frowning so much. )
... Do you find it worthwhile, too, that I hurt him?
I don’t know how you think you hurt him. And I don’t know if that was what made him -
[ they cut off, limps pressed together. they should have written these words down first. another try: ]
I only know that he loves you. And after - after, he loved you from afar instead - and that hurt him and he didn’t even realize.
And you are frowning, upset. [ angry? hani understands this a little. they’ve only ever been upset by love. ] Do you realize? I think you love him, too.
( Some part of him does understand as much: that Tylor would forgive most injustices, but he'd get all sentimental and wispy when it came to people going. And, still, he wouldn't take a person for himself.
If Mithrun hadn't said the things he said then, at that first picnic with the three of them, he wonders if Tylor would have said anything to him, or Hani. )
... Tylor loves you.
( Does he love Tylor? Don't ask him that. Don't even imply. All feelings entered stasis once this threeway entity, vague and undefined in Mithrun's monocular eye, did, too. That's what he wants to think. )
... But none of this has to do with what happened. If you want me to let him talk to me again, then he can.
[ this is hard. they really, really should’ve written down some words. searched up the ones that might potentially explain their feelings, critically comparing each word with the others on the branch and picked out the best ones they could. put it in their little basket and come more prepared to -
to fight? to be frustrated? to be hurt? to love so aggressively that it’ll make these two understand. ]
Not me. [ the plan is justy and mithrun, not hani. ] How do you know he loves me?
( He's being unfair to Hani and he knows it. He gets approximately what they came here to do and he's winding his way around the point. Because - he doesn't understand, and every bit Hani digs they get a little closer to excavating a truth he won't be able to ignore. )
... Are you asking because you don't think so, or because you want to know what I think?
( He got out of the hospital bed for the sole purpose of killing somebody, and navigating the nuanced complexities of relationships period disorients him more than anything brain damage could ever do to him. )
I don't know.
( Frustrated, taking Hani's hand at his face - not forceful, but some kind of grip, like searching for a buoy - turning toward them, one leg pulling up on the couch, folded under him. )
I don't know. I just look at him and you and I understand what he means when he says you're just right for him. You're always in concert, even when you're out of tune.
( He squeezes Hani's hand, like he's trying to convey - something. )
... In every universe the two of you met but hadn't met me, you wouldn't have been lacking.
[ this is the only way hani knows, to dig so deeply it’s painful and uncomfortable and near unwanted. ]
No. I don’t want that. This is not one of those universes - you don’t see. We wouldn’t be lacking, but we would still be less without you.
[ they squeeze back, small tremors brought out by the heady upset feeling in their stomach. it builds fast, piling and piling until the bubbles threaten to snap and overflow. ]
And I just look at you and I understand how you must feel about him. You don’t see the faces you make for him, only for him. But you must have noticed, you’re so brilliant, you must, you must. You must have noticed how he looks at you, how I - we look at you.
[ they rush over that last bit, stumbling fiercely over the next couple of words. ]
( They're trembling. He doesn't expect it, doesn't see in his mind's eye Hani as a person who does. They're always so brilliantly vivid, full of certainty about the way of things - as good as Tylor at shifting him, and teaching him things he hadn't known.
Brittle - brittle, like a shaking leaf, is maybe what it is.
He pulls his hand from theirs but only to take their face in both of his a little rougher, clumsily, than he means anything by, stealing their gesture from earlier but here it's like to keep them steady, keep them firm. )
Why don't you?
( It's not accusatory. It's not even a sidestep, this time. He thinks this answer is just as important as his own, if not more. )
bubbles bursting into snippets of truth and vulnerability. heat scorching their lungs, burning up their throat inch by painful inch, and settling behind their eyes. wet. ]
We could both take him. But I won’t stop with just him. I would sweep you both up in my storm and you don’t want that.
[ they cover his hands, the ones trying to steady them. grateful, but frustrated. feeling even more weighed down by his clumsy attempt, their affection heavy, their love heavier. and nothing hungers like the monster inside them. ]
( He studies them, the vulnerable peering out where Hani pulls at the seams. This had all been about Mithrun and Tylor - but like on that very first picnic, Mithrun can't help but pull in Hani, too, even if his fingers dig in where they're not welcome. )
... Eat me.
( He fixes their gaze and the wet threatened behind it with his own. )
[ hani’s answer is to lean in and kiss the corner of mithrun’s pursed lips. butterfly touch, followed by a wet, wicked tongue to draw in his bottom lip, still off-center. this spot here, so when he talks or smiles or frowns, the sting will remind him of hani. they bite down sharply, drawing blood. ]
See? [ whispered against his skin with a shaking breath, then pulling back in a stained parting. rogue smeared like a garnish. ] Tell me to stop.
[ monster. they would burrow into justy, into mithrun. join the two halves together and make one whole space just for themself. ]
( Ah. The sudden pain, unexpected, draws a sharp cut of a breath from his lips - voiceless. He runs his tongue along the taste of iron, as if to know the taste Hani gave him. )
... I won't.
( His palms slip from Hani's face just a little lower, pressing along their jaw, the beginnings of their neck; his fingers press in against the flesh, the nails light. )
( His palms - no, just one palm - follows the curve along his neck, sliding down along their shoulder, pushing the shirt collar wide - wider. )
... Are you afraid of storms?
( Your storm. The other hand, the one still somewhere between neck and jaw, seems to almost cradle the head into it, his fingers tangling into Hani's shorter hair along the back. His lips, reddish and a little wet, trace along the corner of Hani's lips, his jaw; then downward, still. Not kisses, but sensation of a path.
Hani's neck, spread clear - head so subtly held away, shoulder so gently pressed down - looks as lovely as they like to say other people are. He wonders if they think so, about themself. It's here he rests his lips, gently pushing Hani back with his slight weight, where the neck meets shoulder, in that tender curve, and he bites - fiercely - enough to leave a mark; maybe a little bit to bleed, if he must.
And in the centre of the ache, the radiating heat, he finally presses his lips down - and runs his tongue along the deep ridges left by his teeth, as if a sort of ritual that comes with a meal. )
[ if so, that would explain hani’s complicated feelings for mithrun. slow at first, not a whisper of warning in the air. then the sudden, sweeping way it happened taking everything all at once.
hani breathes in sharply when they feel the bite. the final hitched note of a whimper escapes them with the feel his tongue. unable to help themself, needing some sort of anchor, their hands crawl up the small of his back, bunching up his shirt to touch scarred skin. ]
I feel the most like one when I’m with you and him. I could drown the world and it would be alright if I could just keep the two of you.
[ not safe. just keep the two of them trapped in hani’s storm as the wind of their wants whip water and tears and more around, stealing the breath from their lungs and filling it with the otherness they feel. ]
( Is he a storm? His teeth graze along the warmth left by the kiss, along the sting left by the bite. He feels something less than human, something more than nothing - a thing that knows it exists, with an instinct of violence that carries it through, but an inability to comprehend why. He finds he doesn't mind the sound of Hani's choked whimper so much, nor their suggestion of smothering. Is that the violence in him, too? )
... But you don't.
( His breath is warm along the tendered skin as he mouths in against where the neck meets the jaw, where the skin is thin and delicate. An implication that he might bite into them again - but he doesn't. Not yet. Until then, there's anticipation, and his fingers curling into Hani's hair, nails light against their scalp. )
Do you know Tylor loves you?
( Held splayed like this, neck exposed, at his metaphorical mercy - his argument. He meant it, when he'd asked, if nothing else. )
[ for you to be in love with me, just a little, like I am with you.
hani wants his teeth again. it would be so lovely, they think, if the bites healed wrong and left the impression of teeth and desire on their skin forever. would it act as a balm to everything confusing, conflicting tangled within them? no, probably not. but it would help in some way. they love him, so it would help. love helps.
then mithrun say justy’s name and hani lets out a wet noise that could be a sob or a laugh. ]
I know. I know. [ of course, they know. they love him so much. that’s why they’re here. here to - ] He loves you, too. We love you, too.
[ neck still exposed and if mithrun were to hold a blade to it, hani would accept all the same for the crime of wanting three to become one. ]
Let’s talk to him - right now. Don’t let him leave himself behind.
( If you know, then...? Mithrun can't explain why something seems like its been set down wrong - it's on the shelf, it's where it ought to be, but it's a book in a row with the others but someone set it with its pages facing the aisle instead of its spine. Something about Hani and Tylor. Something that's hard for him to find a name for.
But Hani doesn't want to linger on themself. Mithrun had suspected they came here for this purpose and they confirm as much now, even though Mithrun had wanted to linger on the thing they said just before - I'm waiting for you to want it - because it's not a sentiment he'd ever thought of before.
But Hani is here for this. And Mithrun can't say he wants them any more than he can say he wants Tylor - though, apparently, this metric he uses is wrong. His mouth lingers there before, finally, he pulls away, righting himself. His fingers slip from Hani's hair and their shoulder, and all that's left is the bruise forming on their skin. )
... Fine.
( It's not a happy concession, but it is agreement - Tylor would. Frustrating as it is. )
[ a flicker of protest when he pulls away, mouth stopping short of forming the actual words. they click shut, lips pressed together, and eyes closed, until whatever liquid emotion remains dissipates. and all that’s left is the bruise.
at least there’s that.
they offer mithrun a smile that's a little sorry, a little unfair. ]
Okay.
[ hani nods at mithrun, putting away all the wistful little parts of themself. neat little stacks, tucked away, for another rainy day of emotional overflow.
finally, they wake justy up with a text thats a little too brazen in their affection to be solely japanese. a product from another walk of life. ]
おはよう、僕の愛しい人。いまskypeしてもいいのかい
[ then they press the call button whether he answers the text or not. ]
[ He doesn't respond to the text in time, but Tylor would have understood. Their communications flip and shift between languages fluidly. And even if he hadn't understood, he would've accepted the affection. He'll smile when he reads it later.
The phone rings.
And rings.
Until a groggy voice, innocent with sleep and unhurried pipes up from the other end-- ]
( Though he agreed, he kind of locks up when he actually hears Tylor for the first time in a minute. At some point between Hani texting and Tylor answering, Mithrun had pulled his legs up, heels along the edge of the couch, arms loosely around his legs.
He doesn't say anything. He doesn't know what to say besides, "Okay, you can talk to me, stop being sad." But he doesn't think he's meant to say that right now. It's awkward and uncomfortable, and he doesn't like feeling like this.
He looks away, making it probably clear to Hani he doesn't have words on him right now. )
[ as justy wakes up, hani shifts over to lean against mithrun, not too much weight though they are a sliver of a person anyway. they rest their head on his shoulder, dandelion fluff brushing his neck and chin. barely a notch above silent, they whisper: ]
It's okay. We love you as you are. You don't need to know the words. I don't know either.
[ absentmindedly, they say to justy: ]
Remember to hold the phone away from your face, so you can see us, Justy-kun. Good morning.
[ their phone is held in a loose grip, angling the camera enough to catch most of hani and some of mithrun. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2023-09-02 08:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-09-02 08:19 am (UTC)[ on hani’s phone is proof of it, a happy screenshot they had saved. a precious thing. it would, they decide, be proof but only as a last resort.
(it so precious, if mithrun denied any part of it, they would be - their stomach tightens. hurt might be the word they’re looking for. it would hurt.
but for justy, they would - could use it. for mithrun, they would try.)
for now, they just reach for the corner of mithrun’s frown. light touches. ]
Why frown at all then?
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Date: 2023-09-02 09:28 am (UTC)Hani's touch feels nice against his cool skin. He hadn't realized he was frowning so much. )
... Do you find it worthwhile, too, that I hurt him?
( Sidestep. )
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Date: 2023-09-02 09:45 am (UTC)[ they cut off, limps pressed together. they should have written these words down first. another try: ]
I only know that he loves you. And after - after, he loved you from afar instead - and that hurt him and he didn’t even realize.
And you are frowning, upset. [ angry? hani understands this a little. they’ve only ever been upset by love. ] Do you realize? I think you love him, too.
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Date: 2023-09-02 09:56 am (UTC)If Mithrun hadn't said the things he said then, at that first picnic with the three of them, he wonders if Tylor would have said anything to him, or Hani. )
... Tylor loves you.
( Does he love Tylor? Don't ask him that. Don't even imply. All feelings entered stasis once this threeway entity, vague and undefined in Mithrun's monocular eye, did, too. That's what he wants to think. )
... But none of this has to do with what happened. If you want me to let him talk to me again, then he can.
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Date: 2023-09-02 10:12 am (UTC)[ this is hard. they really, really should’ve written down some words. searched up the ones that might potentially explain their feelings, critically comparing each word with the others on the branch and picked out the best ones they could. put it in their little basket and come more prepared to -
to fight? to be frustrated? to be hurt? to love so aggressively that it’ll make these two understand. ]
Not me. [ the plan is justy and mithrun, not hani. ]
How do you know he loves me?
no subject
Date: 2023-09-02 10:50 am (UTC)... Are you asking because you don't think so, or because you want to know what I think?
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Date: 2023-09-02 11:05 am (UTC)[ no less warm than usual, but strained. don’t treat them like this, like they can’t be hurt and brittle. ]
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Date: 2023-09-02 11:33 am (UTC)I don't know.
( Frustrated, taking Hani's hand at his face - not forceful, but some kind of grip, like searching for a buoy - turning toward them, one leg pulling up on the couch, folded under him. )
I don't know. I just look at him and you and I understand what he means when he says you're just right for him. You're always in concert, even when you're out of tune.
( He squeezes Hani's hand, like he's trying to convey - something. )
... In every universe the two of you met but hadn't met me, you wouldn't have been lacking.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-02 02:00 pm (UTC)No. I don’t want that. This is not one of those universes - you don’t see. We wouldn’t be lacking, but we would still be less without you.
[ they squeeze back, small tremors brought out by the heady upset feeling in their stomach. it builds fast, piling and piling until the bubbles threaten to snap and overflow. ]
And I just look at you and I understand how you must feel about him. You don’t see the faces you make for him, only for him. But you must have noticed, you’re so brilliant, you must, you must. You must have noticed how he looks at you, how I - we look at you.
[ they rush over that last bit, stumbling fiercely over the next couple of words. ]
Take him, you can.
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Date: 2023-09-02 06:14 pm (UTC)Brittle - brittle, like a shaking leaf, is maybe what it is.
He pulls his hand from theirs but only to take their face in both of his a little rougher, clumsily, than he means anything by, stealing their gesture from earlier but here it's like to keep them steady, keep them firm. )
Why don't you?
( It's not accusatory. It's not even a sidestep, this time. He thinks this answer is just as important as his own, if not more. )
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Date: 2023-09-02 06:50 pm (UTC)bubbles bursting into snippets of truth and vulnerability. heat scorching their lungs, burning up their throat inch by painful inch, and settling behind their eyes. wet. ]
We could both take him. But I won’t stop with just him. I would sweep you both up in my storm and you don’t want that.
[ they cover his hands, the ones trying to steady them. grateful, but frustrated. feeling even more weighed down by his clumsy attempt, their affection heavy, their love heavier. and nothing hungers like the monster inside them. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-02 06:56 pm (UTC)... Eat me.
( He fixes their gaze and the wet threatened behind it with his own. )
Can you?
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Date: 2023-09-02 07:19 pm (UTC)See? [ whispered against his skin with a shaking breath, then pulling back in a stained parting. rogue smeared like a garnish. ] Tell me to stop.
[ monster. they would burrow into justy, into mithrun. join the two halves together and make one whole space just for themself. ]
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Date: 2023-09-02 07:34 pm (UTC)... I won't.
( His palms slip from Hani's face just a little lower, pressing along their jaw, the beginnings of their neck; his fingers press in against the flesh, the nails light. )
I like you this way.
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Date: 2023-09-02 07:56 pm (UTC)… Enough to eat me, too? Eat me, if you want.
[ they sit pliant for him, through the tremors, through the overflow. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-02 08:24 pm (UTC)... Are you afraid of storms?
( Your storm. The other hand, the one still somewhere between neck and jaw, seems to almost cradle the head into it, his fingers tangling into Hani's shorter hair along the back. His lips, reddish and a little wet, trace along the corner of Hani's lips, his jaw; then downward, still. Not kisses, but sensation of a path.
Hani's neck, spread clear - head so subtly held away, shoulder so gently pressed down - looks as lovely as they like to say other people are. He wonders if they think so, about themself. It's here he rests his lips, gently pushing Hani back with his slight weight, where the neck meets shoulder, in that tender curve, and he bites - fiercely - enough to leave a mark; maybe a little bit to bleed, if he must.
And in the centre of the ache, the radiating heat, he finally presses his lips down - and runs his tongue along the deep ridges left by his teeth, as if a sort of ritual that comes with a meal. )
no subject
Date: 2023-09-02 09:08 pm (UTC)[ if so, that would explain hani’s complicated feelings for mithrun. slow at first, not a whisper of warning in the air. then the sudden, sweeping way it happened taking everything all at once.
hani breathes in sharply when they feel the bite. the final hitched note of a whimper escapes them with the feel his tongue. unable to help themself, needing some sort of anchor, their hands crawl up the small of his back, bunching up his shirt to touch scarred skin. ]
I feel the most like one when I’m with you and him. I could drown the world and it would be alright if I could just keep the two of you.
[ not safe. just keep the two of them trapped in hani’s storm as the wind of their wants whip water and tears and more around, stealing the breath from their lungs and filling it with the otherness they feel. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-03 08:02 am (UTC)... But you don't.
( His breath is warm along the tendered skin as he mouths in against where the neck meets the jaw, where the skin is thin and delicate. An implication that he might bite into them again - but he doesn't. Not yet. Until then, there's anticipation, and his fingers curling into Hani's hair, nails light against their scalp. )
Do you know Tylor loves you?
( Held splayed like this, neck exposed, at his metaphorical mercy - his argument. He meant it, when he'd asked, if nothing else. )
no subject
Date: 2023-09-03 01:28 pm (UTC)[ for you to be in love with me, just a little, like I am with you.
hani wants his teeth again. it would be so lovely, they think, if the bites healed wrong and left the impression of teeth and desire on their skin forever. would it act as a balm to everything confusing, conflicting tangled within them? no, probably not. but it would help in some way. they love him, so it would help. love helps.
then mithrun say justy’s name and hani lets out a wet noise that could be a sob or a laugh. ]
I know. I know. [ of course, they know. they love him so much. that’s why they’re here. here to - ] He loves you, too. We love you, too.
[ neck still exposed and if mithrun were to hold a blade to it, hani would accept all the same for the crime of wanting three to become one. ]
Let’s talk to him - right now. Don’t let him leave himself behind.
[ again. ]
You know he would.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-03 06:55 pm (UTC)But Hani doesn't want to linger on themself. Mithrun had suspected they came here for this purpose and they confirm as much now, even though Mithrun had wanted to linger on the thing they said just before - I'm waiting for you to want it - because it's not a sentiment he'd ever thought of before.
But Hani is here for this. And Mithrun can't say he wants them any more than he can say he wants Tylor - though, apparently, this metric he uses is wrong. His mouth lingers there before, finally, he pulls away, righting himself. His fingers slip from Hani's hair and their shoulder, and all that's left is the bruise forming on their skin. )
... Fine.
( It's not a happy concession, but it is agreement - Tylor would. Frustrating as it is. )
no subject
Date: 2023-09-03 07:39 pm (UTC)at least there’s that.
they offer mithrun a smile that's a little sorry, a little unfair. ]
Okay.
[ hani nods at mithrun, putting away all the wistful little parts of themself. neat little stacks, tucked away, for another rainy day of emotional overflow.
finally, they wake justy up with a text thats a little too brazen in their affection to be solely japanese. a product from another walk of life. ]
おはよう、僕の愛しい人。いまskypeしてもいいのかい
[ then they press the call button whether he answers the text or not. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-03 08:04 pm (UTC)The phone rings.
And rings.
Until a groggy voice, innocent with sleep and unhurried pipes up from the other end-- ]
Mmm... もしもし
no subject
Date: 2023-09-03 08:34 pm (UTC)He doesn't say anything. He doesn't know what to say besides, "Okay, you can talk to me, stop being sad." But he doesn't think he's meant to say that right now. It's awkward and uncomfortable, and he doesn't like feeling like this.
He looks away, making it probably clear to Hani he doesn't have words on him right now. )
no subject
Date: 2023-09-03 08:51 pm (UTC)It's okay. We love you as you are. You don't need to know the words. I don't know either.
[ absentmindedly, they say to justy: ]
Remember to hold the phone away from your face, so you can see us, Justy-kun. Good morning.
[ their phone is held in a loose grip, angling the camera enough to catch most of hani and some of mithrun. ]
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