[ hani is still catching their breath, dry coughs to clear their sore throat. touching their throat proves that, oh, that did just happen. it hurts. but their gauge for pain is - off. the skin feels raw, and the inside feels scraped, but it isn’t so bad.
when they take the phone from mithrun, they don’t look disheveled enough for a fight; they’d hardly struggle at all until the promise. ]
No. [ too tight, no air - the first word is pushed out with a shake of their head. ] Not… not fighting. I was learning Mithrun-kun. Morgan-kun.
[ Tylor accepts the answer easily enough but there's something, something he's clearly keeping from swelling up until it does anyway. There's an edge that isn't always there, channeling his mom for once with the odd firmness she lent his voice when he wanted to put it there-- ] Let him see me too, Hani.
[ There's that flicker of heat again, he's only slurring a little. It's hard to notice with how much he means every word. ]
Things were going so well before all of this. We were all so happy together in our own ways and now look at us.
Why do we have to hurt ourselves deciding now? You don't have to force love, but you have to give it a chance.
M&M, you don't even know what it would be like to have us come stay with you while you're still here. How would you know what anything tastes like if you never tried anything?
Why are we the only thing you won't try?
[ There's clearly more here, itching beneath the surface as he looks between the two of them if he's been held up to see them both. ]
( The sudden impulse of emotion from Tylor, of all people, surprises him, enough to pull Mithrun out of his silent stupor to look to the screen, but - he frowns. His brows furrow. His lips part, because - hadn't he been trying? All this time, every time with the three of them, together? He had considered closely that those times would be what it would be like if they were together as some formal unit, if he ever broached the topic - because the other two wouldn't. He had paused to think every time Hani and Tylor kissed, and wondered how it felt - wondered how it would feel, to live his life with this.
He had considered it and he had understood he didn't really like it. Was there something he hadn't done enough of, some effort he'd been lacking? Hadn't he come to think he loved them? Hadn't he said he wanted them, too?
But - why is he even wondering? He closes his mouth. Of course there was some shortage here; he is not made up of very much. The same way he thought he'd been doing an all right enough job with drowning, with dealing with pain - it just went around upsetting people. By the standards of someone empty, he must surely be trying hard. But by the standards of any other - maybe not so much. Tylor had a good eye. He would know, if Mithrun was trying hard enough.
And if that's what Tylor sees - if that's what Hani sees, too - then Mithrun thinks he can't convince them. What can he say? "I'm sorry, you're in love with a tenth of a person - my love and my effort will only ever be a tenth of yours"? He hadn't told them to leave him alone, he hadn't told them to leave his house - though he thinks that's about to change. He just - said he wanted something.
Ah.
No, that was it. It's been so long that he forgot - that this is the tax, the cost. If you want one thing, the rest just ends up going away. He'd forgotten, he forgot.
His gaze had held on Tylor, but he finally seems to give up on finding something to say. It slides to Hani, his lips a frown. )
... Go back to Santa Monica, Hani. I'll talk another time.
( With either of them. He's not cutting them off. But he's saying not right now. )
[ obedience in love turns the phone so justy can see.
and that’s an expression they’ve yet to see from justy. hani’s hand moves from their bruised neck to their lips, self-soothing (why? from who?), and they glance at mithrun, an unconscious gesture. is this an expression he knows?
no, it doesn’t look like it.
every word that spills out of justy surprises them even further. they swallow their own words as they listen, each syllable goes down like glass, only to be buried in hot sand.
now look at us.
(but maybe… maybe we hadn’t been looking closely enough before, blinded by love as we were.)
have they all decided on hurting as an answer at this point? did mithrun hold his neck in a caress or a clamp? was justy right about this point at least?
they don’t know. and because they don’t know, obedience has them nod at mithrun, keenly feeling the stiffness settle in, aware that the next day the pain will be worse. what about the other hurts…? ]
… Don’t change who you are. [ are the words they repeat to mithrun, the ones that come up first. not the only ones, however: ] Justy-kun seems to have more to say, so you can at least listen if you don’t want to talk. Just one more minute for him.
[ they press a kiss to two fingers and tap the screen twice. i’ve listened, my heart, i’ll see you soon. all that’s left to do is to hand the phone back, and leave. ]
[ Tylor feels Morgan's words sink to the pit of his stomach with the upset along with the rest of the words he'd wanted to say. The air is gone from the sails of his blip of barely there anger.
There's nothing else to say now. But Hani is handing the phone over and disappearing from the frame. And for a beat, a glance, all Tylor does is take a deep breath and deflates. Relaxes, really, back against hot brick in a cramped alleyway.
They're both drained. All three, really, but Tylor doesn't think there is anything else to be gained today talking to Morgan. They'd said what they meant. And here they are now. Hani will want his call next, he figures.
It's easy for him to sound warm again after all of that. As if he hadn't been upset moments before, he offers Morgan a smile. A return to form, habit more than deeply penetrating calm. It'd be easy to prod him back to raw emotion. But for now it is placid. ]
It's really unfair, how beautiful you still look.
[ He would brush Morgan's hair back if he could, his finger even twitches with the unsatisfied urge. ]
I'm going to call you later, if that's alright. But remember to drink some water and get enough sleep, okay?
[ He will give Morgan time to hang up before he does, time he spends soaking in the moment he has to peacefully, quietly, look over his face. ]
( Don't change who you are - he would have so many times, if only he knew how. But he lets Hani part without further remark, lets Tylor talk on beauty without a word, too, though he knows the both of them sincere in what they say.
He knows this is his fault. We were so happy before - yes, he does that; he leaves things a little worse off, maybe. But he doesn't know if he feels regret, he doesn't know if he feels particular mind. They would have been better off if he remained as he was, wanting nothing and hedging toward needs every now and again, but ultimately pliable. But he is changing, whether he likes it or not (he doesn't).
He looks at the phone in his hand, he looks at Tylor on the little screen, the burden heavier than it feels like it should be. )
... All right.
( He doesn't make it clear what he's agreeing to, but he agrees. )
See you.
( It almost seems like there's more he intends to say, but, after a moment, he doesn't, this time. He leaves it alone, the matter done, the blood spilt, and hangs up.
Hani and Tylor would have each other, and they could find some other third eventually. One who spoke their same secret language, who - was maybe, a little bit more whole. And then things would be fine with them, again.
Life goes on. He just needs to focus on his goal, and his life will stay clean and simple - surely, surely, surely. )
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no subject
Date: 2023-09-07 08:00 am (UTC)when they take the phone from mithrun, they don’t look disheveled enough for a fight; they’d hardly struggle at all until the promise. ]
No. [ too tight, no air - the first word is pushed out with a shake of their head. ] Not… not fighting. I was learning Mithrun-kun. Morgan-kun.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-07 08:38 am (UTC)[ There's that flicker of heat again, he's only slurring a little. It's hard to notice with how much he means every word. ]
Things were going so well before all of this. We were all so happy together in our own ways and now look at us.
Why do we have to hurt ourselves deciding now? You don't have to force love, but you have to give it a chance.
M&M, you don't even know what it would be like to have us come stay with you while you're still here. How would you know what anything tastes like if you never tried anything?
Why are we the only thing you won't try?
[ There's clearly more here, itching beneath the surface as he looks between the two of them if he's been held up to see them both. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-07 09:04 am (UTC)He had considered it and he had understood he didn't really like it. Was there something he hadn't done enough of, some effort he'd been lacking? Hadn't he come to think he loved them? Hadn't he said he wanted them, too?
But - why is he even wondering? He closes his mouth. Of course there was some shortage here; he is not made up of very much. The same way he thought he'd been doing an all right enough job with drowning, with dealing with pain - it just went around upsetting people. By the standards of someone empty, he must surely be trying hard. But by the standards of any other - maybe not so much. Tylor had a good eye. He would know, if Mithrun was trying hard enough.
And if that's what Tylor sees - if that's what Hani sees, too - then Mithrun thinks he can't convince them. What can he say? "I'm sorry, you're in love with a tenth of a person - my love and my effort will only ever be a tenth of yours"? He hadn't told them to leave him alone, he hadn't told them to leave his house - though he thinks that's about to change. He just - said he wanted something.
Ah.
No, that was it. It's been so long that he forgot - that this is the tax, the cost. If you want one thing, the rest just ends up going away. He'd forgotten, he forgot.
His gaze had held on Tylor, but he finally seems to give up on finding something to say. It slides to Hani, his lips a frown. )
... Go back to Santa Monica, Hani. I'll talk another time.
( With either of them. He's not cutting them off. But he's saying not right now. )
no subject
Date: 2023-09-07 09:44 am (UTC)and that’s an expression they’ve yet to see from justy. hani’s hand moves from their bruised neck to their lips, self-soothing (why? from who?), and they glance at mithrun, an unconscious gesture. is this an expression he knows?
no, it doesn’t look like it.
every word that spills out of justy surprises them even further. they swallow their own words as they listen, each syllable goes down like glass, only to be buried in hot sand.
now look at us.
(but maybe… maybe we hadn’t been looking closely enough before, blinded by love as we were.)
have they all decided on hurting as an answer at this point? did mithrun hold his neck in a caress or a clamp? was justy right about this point at least?
they don’t know. and because they don’t know, obedience has them nod at mithrun, keenly feeling the stiffness settle in, aware that the next day the pain will be worse. what about the other hurts…? ]
… Don’t change who you are. [ are the words they repeat to mithrun, the ones that come up first. not the only ones, however: ] Justy-kun seems to have more to say, so you can at least listen if you don’t want to talk. Just one more minute for him.
[ they press a kiss to two fingers and tap the screen twice. i’ve listened, my heart, i’ll see you soon. all that’s left to do is to hand the phone back, and leave. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-07 10:36 am (UTC)There's nothing else to say now. But Hani is handing the phone over and disappearing from the frame. And for a beat, a glance, all Tylor does is take a deep breath and deflates. Relaxes, really, back against hot brick in a cramped alleyway.
They're both drained. All three, really, but Tylor doesn't think there is anything else to be gained today talking to Morgan. They'd said what they meant. And here they are now. Hani will want his call next, he figures.
It's easy for him to sound warm again after all of that. As if he hadn't been upset moments before, he offers Morgan a smile. A return to form, habit more than deeply penetrating calm. It'd be easy to prod him back to raw emotion. But for now it is placid. ]
It's really unfair, how beautiful you still look.
[ He would brush Morgan's hair back if he could, his finger even twitches with the unsatisfied urge. ]
I'm going to call you later, if that's alright. But remember to drink some water and get enough sleep, okay?
[ He will give Morgan time to hang up before he does, time he spends soaking in the moment he has to peacefully, quietly, look over his face. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-07 10:53 am (UTC)He knows this is his fault. We were so happy before - yes, he does that; he leaves things a little worse off, maybe. But he doesn't know if he feels regret, he doesn't know if he feels particular mind. They would have been better off if he remained as he was, wanting nothing and hedging toward needs every now and again, but ultimately pliable. But he is changing, whether he likes it or not (he doesn't).
He looks at the phone in his hand, he looks at Tylor on the little screen, the burden heavier than it feels like it should be. )
... All right.
( He doesn't make it clear what he's agreeing to, but he agrees. )
See you.
( It almost seems like there's more he intends to say, but, after a moment, he doesn't, this time. He leaves it alone, the matter done, the blood spilt, and hangs up.
Hani and Tylor would have each other, and they could find some other third eventually. One who spoke their same secret language, who - was maybe, a little bit more whole. And then things would be fine with them, again.
Life goes on. He just needs to focus on his goal, and his life will stay clean and simple - surely, surely, surely. )