[ hani’s answer is to lean in and kiss the corner of mithrun’s pursed lips. butterfly touch, followed by a wet, wicked tongue to draw in his bottom lip, still off-center. this spot here, so when he talks or smiles or frowns, the sting will remind him of hani. they bite down sharply, drawing blood. ]
See? [ whispered against his skin with a shaking breath, then pulling back in a stained parting. rogue smeared like a garnish. ] Tell me to stop.
[ monster. they would burrow into justy, into mithrun. join the two halves together and make one whole space just for themself. ]
( Ah. The sudden pain, unexpected, draws a sharp cut of a breath from his lips - voiceless. He runs his tongue along the taste of iron, as if to know the taste Hani gave him. )
... I won't.
( His palms slip from Hani's face just a little lower, pressing along their jaw, the beginnings of their neck; his fingers press in against the flesh, the nails light. )
( His palms - no, just one palm - follows the curve along his neck, sliding down along their shoulder, pushing the shirt collar wide - wider. )
... Are you afraid of storms?
( Your storm. The other hand, the one still somewhere between neck and jaw, seems to almost cradle the head into it, his fingers tangling into Hani's shorter hair along the back. His lips, reddish and a little wet, trace along the corner of Hani's lips, his jaw; then downward, still. Not kisses, but sensation of a path.
Hani's neck, spread clear - head so subtly held away, shoulder so gently pressed down - looks as lovely as they like to say other people are. He wonders if they think so, about themself. It's here he rests his lips, gently pushing Hani back with his slight weight, where the neck meets shoulder, in that tender curve, and he bites - fiercely - enough to leave a mark; maybe a little bit to bleed, if he must.
And in the centre of the ache, the radiating heat, he finally presses his lips down - and runs his tongue along the deep ridges left by his teeth, as if a sort of ritual that comes with a meal. )
[ if so, that would explain hani’s complicated feelings for mithrun. slow at first, not a whisper of warning in the air. then the sudden, sweeping way it happened taking everything all at once.
hani breathes in sharply when they feel the bite. the final hitched note of a whimper escapes them with the feel his tongue. unable to help themself, needing some sort of anchor, their hands crawl up the small of his back, bunching up his shirt to touch scarred skin. ]
I feel the most like one when I’m with you and him. I could drown the world and it would be alright if I could just keep the two of you.
[ not safe. just keep the two of them trapped in hani’s storm as the wind of their wants whip water and tears and more around, stealing the breath from their lungs and filling it with the otherness they feel. ]
( Is he a storm? His teeth graze along the warmth left by the kiss, along the sting left by the bite. He feels something less than human, something more than nothing - a thing that knows it exists, with an instinct of violence that carries it through, but an inability to comprehend why. He finds he doesn't mind the sound of Hani's choked whimper so much, nor their suggestion of smothering. Is that the violence in him, too? )
... But you don't.
( His breath is warm along the tendered skin as he mouths in against where the neck meets the jaw, where the skin is thin and delicate. An implication that he might bite into them again - but he doesn't. Not yet. Until then, there's anticipation, and his fingers curling into Hani's hair, nails light against their scalp. )
Do you know Tylor loves you?
( Held splayed like this, neck exposed, at his metaphorical mercy - his argument. He meant it, when he'd asked, if nothing else. )
[ for you to be in love with me, just a little, like I am with you.
hani wants his teeth again. it would be so lovely, they think, if the bites healed wrong and left the impression of teeth and desire on their skin forever. would it act as a balm to everything confusing, conflicting tangled within them? no, probably not. but it would help in some way. they love him, so it would help. love helps.
then mithrun say justy’s name and hani lets out a wet noise that could be a sob or a laugh. ]
I know. I know. [ of course, they know. they love him so much. that’s why they’re here. here to - ] He loves you, too. We love you, too.
[ neck still exposed and if mithrun were to hold a blade to it, hani would accept all the same for the crime of wanting three to become one. ]
Let’s talk to him - right now. Don’t let him leave himself behind.
( If you know, then...? Mithrun can't explain why something seems like its been set down wrong - it's on the shelf, it's where it ought to be, but it's a book in a row with the others but someone set it with its pages facing the aisle instead of its spine. Something about Hani and Tylor. Something that's hard for him to find a name for.
But Hani doesn't want to linger on themself. Mithrun had suspected they came here for this purpose and they confirm as much now, even though Mithrun had wanted to linger on the thing they said just before - I'm waiting for you to want it - because it's not a sentiment he'd ever thought of before.
But Hani is here for this. And Mithrun can't say he wants them any more than he can say he wants Tylor - though, apparently, this metric he uses is wrong. His mouth lingers there before, finally, he pulls away, righting himself. His fingers slip from Hani's hair and their shoulder, and all that's left is the bruise forming on their skin. )
... Fine.
( It's not a happy concession, but it is agreement - Tylor would. Frustrating as it is. )
[ a flicker of protest when he pulls away, mouth stopping short of forming the actual words. they click shut, lips pressed together, and eyes closed, until whatever liquid emotion remains dissipates. and all that’s left is the bruise.
at least there’s that.
they offer mithrun a smile that's a little sorry, a little unfair. ]
Okay.
[ hani nods at mithrun, putting away all the wistful little parts of themself. neat little stacks, tucked away, for another rainy day of emotional overflow.
finally, they wake justy up with a text thats a little too brazen in their affection to be solely japanese. a product from another walk of life. ]
おはよう、僕の愛しい人。いまskypeしてもいいのかい
[ then they press the call button whether he answers the text or not. ]
[ He doesn't respond to the text in time, but Tylor would have understood. Their communications flip and shift between languages fluidly. And even if he hadn't understood, he would've accepted the affection. He'll smile when he reads it later.
The phone rings.
And rings.
Until a groggy voice, innocent with sleep and unhurried pipes up from the other end-- ]
( Though he agreed, he kind of locks up when he actually hears Tylor for the first time in a minute. At some point between Hani texting and Tylor answering, Mithrun had pulled his legs up, heels along the edge of the couch, arms loosely around his legs.
He doesn't say anything. He doesn't know what to say besides, "Okay, you can talk to me, stop being sad." But he doesn't think he's meant to say that right now. It's awkward and uncomfortable, and he doesn't like feeling like this.
He looks away, making it probably clear to Hani he doesn't have words on him right now. )
[ as justy wakes up, hani shifts over to lean against mithrun, not too much weight though they are a sliver of a person anyway. they rest their head on his shoulder, dandelion fluff brushing his neck and chin. barely a notch above silent, they whisper: ]
It's okay. We love you as you are. You don't need to know the words. I don't know either.
[ absentmindedly, they say to justy: ]
Remember to hold the phone away from your face, so you can see us, Justy-kun. Good morning.
[ their phone is held in a loose grip, angling the camera enough to catch most of hani and some of mithrun. ]
[ Tylor is yawning as the video clicks on, his eyes closed, as he moves the camera an appropriate distance away. He is wearing his usual loose tank top, crumpled by his bed like the wild way the pillow styled his hair for the day. ]
Good morning~ did you want to--
[ When his eyes open, he pauses with a blink on Morgan.
Different, but the same. Beautiful. His heart swells the same as it does in game. And for a moment he forgets he isn't there with them in person. He won't dwell on the dull ache of it.
But Morgan doesn't want to talk to him. Even now it's the vibe he's picking up from another time zone. So his gaze slides to Hani with a question in his slight frown. He almost asks in Japanese, but that would be rude.
He sounds cheery enough when his smile returns-- ]
Oh, hi Morgan! Wow, I can't believe we're all on our first three way call together. I didn't even dress up.
[ back to back jokes, because hes better at that than being serious ]
( Tylor didn't look so different in game or out, huh - didn't sound so different, either, and acted the same. He was always like that, even when he was hurting— even when Mithrun was hurting him.
But the voice body had been all wrong. Remembering it just makes him feel all twisted up all over again.
Mithrun's lips part. There's a lot of ways he could start here. There's a lot of things he should probably say - and they contend with his impulse to stay silent, an ultimate lack of desire to fix anything damaged or broken.
So what he says when he speaks muttering and low is just an expression of that uncomfortable twisting in his stomach, in his chest: )
... I killed Fandaniel.
( His gaze not on Tylor or Hani. He just looks vaguely down and ahead at a seaside window, and he endless ocean waves )
[ It clearly takes Tylor a beat too, staring more at Morgan's actions than the sentence itself.
Because while he might have looked like Fandaniel, he had never felt like him. In the video, he is still until he very suddenly isn't-- ]
Ah! [ Tylor sits up suddenly, tank top straps askew. But that sound of realization quickly becomes a sound of falling off his bed tangled in blankets as the video feed spins-- ] uwahh! ow.
[ enjoy the view of his ceiling until Tylor rights himself and is leaning over his phone.
As if Morgan isn't aware that it was him, Tylor sounds genuine-- ] I sure am sorry, Morgan.
But that wasn't really Fanny. It was me the whole time. But don't feel too bad! You're so strong now, I bet you'll beat him for real next time.
[ putting together the pieces from mithrun’s words and justy’s apology x2… hani strokes mithrun’s back as they keep their eyes on justy.
”... I was the one who did the hurting. I can't be hurt. But he doesn't see himself as hurt. And... He doesn't know how to be upset with me.”
ah.
well, they’ll just say it. ]
That’s wrong, Justy-kun. [ mild and patient. ] Will you take some of those words back? I know you mean them, but keep them for another time.
[ that… works, right? mmm… what else. ]
And no more apologies from you tonight. If you want to apologize, you’ll have to say something else instead, like, “I love you,” or “dogs are cute.” What seems like a small mistake might cut deeper than we think, you know, and apologies may chafe the wound.
[ that explanation is good enough, hani decides. to mithrun, they murmur: ]
He doesn’t know how to be upset with you, but you were actually upset with yourself, weren’t you? …Are you still?
( It's good that Hani cuts in when they do, because as Tylor speaks his frown goes tight, frustrated in some way he can't articulate - not that opening with conversation about killing Fandaniel was especially transparent, either.
Hani, though, puts some pause to his thoughts, and his frown grows - though not severe in the way it might've been.
Quiet but still audible to Tylor: )
... He looked like he was hurting, when I killed him.
( And he doesn't know why he remembers or cares so much. But Tylor acting like it's nothing - even in that final moment - frustrates him. He wants to hit Tylor for not hitting him.
So, yeah, he's still upset with himself. And he doesn't know himself well enough to comprehend why he doesn't regard the incident with his usual callous indifference. )
[ Tylor agrees easily enough in his own confusion. He watches the exchange, picking up on their body language and the words he manages to catch. ]
No, don't worry, it wasn't that b-- [ For once, he catches him in the middle of being cheerily dismissive, cutting himself off after a glance to Hani. To Morgan.
Visible now that he's shuffled the camera down, he frowns and tries to reorganize. Morgan is upset and he's only making it worse. But why would reassuring him that he's fine be the wrong thing? It feels like the wrong thing.
Tylor doesn't piece together the road map, from Hani breaking him and lovingly putting him together again to now. But it makes the gravel in his throat easier to swallow, the water easier to tread. ]
It... did hurt. [ A frown, as he shifts a little.
Morgan's never heard him like this, vulnerable-- ] Actually, it hurt a lot. I felt like I was really dying. And all I wanted to do was hold you and see your face.
[ furrowed brows reflect their concern when he mentions the hurt, even as their lips pull into a helpless smile. for the love of them both, he tries and he learns, and it only makes hani love him more. ]
Because you know he didn’t mean to, that he might not have known it was you in Master’s body. [ slowly, working through justy’s thought process and adding their little flourishes on things: ] It’s not that the pain didn’t matter at all, but Morgan-kun was more important to you at the time. And to Mithrun-kun, your pain was more important because he had accidentally caused it. And he didn’t mean to or want to.
[ hani thinks there’s more to it, but that’s something for mithrun to work out on his own. or add to, if he wants. ]
And just as we don’t dismiss the fact that Mithrun-kun, Morgan-kun is important… it wouldn’t be fair to us if you were dismissive about your pain, Justy-kun. So try not to, or I’ll make you cry.
( With how Tylor had been, Mithrun didn't think Tylor would get, exactly, what the issue was - not well enough to admit he was hurt, and not out of malice. He seemed someone so used to smoothing seems over it was a reflex by now.
So he's surprised when Tylor seems to pause and reassess, open up into a more tender version of himself, a sort of expression on him Mithrun isn't sure he's seen before. Was this Hani's touch, or was this something he had missed in the few days he wasn't there?
It was something to wonder, later. But right now, Hani slips an arm around his waist as they mediate - a mediation he doesn't comment on, because there's answers here he doesn't have himself - and Tylor seems like he has something else to say. At least, it seems that way to Mithrun. )
[ Tylor nods along to Hani's words, his gaze drifting over the room. Or what he can see of it from the video. It's hard for most to tell he's even paying attention. But they both probably know that he is. This part is hard, though, the more raw feelings buzzing to a restless energy that he wishes he was there in person to dispell.
So instead, his gaze wanders and he draws up his knees to hold and rest his head on now that he's back up on his bed. It's easy to tell how small his places is, just from the amount of things crammed into it. Laundry, empty sake bottles, cups, and a poster of a pretty lady on a beach hung up on the wall behind him when Tylor settles in again.
When Hani hugs Morgan, Tylor squeezes his legs subtly. His smile is smooshed, but he agrees anyway. ]
Okay, you're right.
[ But he blinks at Morgan's question, shifting and dropping his gaze again.
It's painful to admit. Enough that it's probably easy to almost hear the dismissive responses when he opens his mouth and shuts it a few times. It wasn't that bad.
I'm fine now.
You don't have to like me, I don't mind.
It's alright if you want to leave.
Until eventually, I missed you makes his gut flip. ]
... I want you to live your life the way you want. Whatever makes you happy.
[ The first part comes easy. But the last sounds ss if this is the most difficult thing in the world to force out of his suddenly dry mouth-- ] But not knowing whether you liked me or not anymore, that was worse than dying.
[ A blink, trying to move on-- ] Oh. I'm so-- Uh, I mean. Dogs are cute, but I really am okay though. I promise! Man, I'm really glad we've cleared all of this up!
( Maybe it's just the little screen and the way Tylor boxes up into himself in his crowded room, but Tylor feels small. It's strange looking at him this way, when normally Mithrun's got to look up to eye him. At some point his own legs have slanted down onto the couch, Hani's arm around him, the moments ticking impatient by as Tylor winds his way through his sentiment. He feels - tender is the word for it; tender like a peach, soft and bruised. Still good enough to eat, but darker when you press your thumb up against the skin.
He almost misses it, when Tylor admits the bit worming through his heart, quieter and quicker than Mithrun thinks it ought to be. He doesn't know why - Tylor would think that. Mithrun's not someone who's particularly adept at handling anxiety. But he said it to Hani once, he thinks - the more you love someone, the more you worry. Stupid as it is, baseless as it is.
Maybe Tylor's heart is just too big, and that's why Mithrun can't really grasp it. The rest of Tylor isn't so big as he'd thought.
Unreassuringly, Mithrun's expression remains a frown, which only seems to grow as Tylor stumbles to a clumsy finish to tie things off with a bow. Not the greatest expression to give someone afraid you stopped caring for them.
He pushes from the couch suddenly, taking to his feet. )
Log on. I only need a minute.
( He glances at Hani in acknowledgment that they won't be involved in this, but there's nothing much for it with the restriction of headsets. At least he's sincere that he only needs a minute. )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2023-09-02 07:19 pm (UTC)See? [ whispered against his skin with a shaking breath, then pulling back in a stained parting. rogue smeared like a garnish. ] Tell me to stop.
[ monster. they would burrow into justy, into mithrun. join the two halves together and make one whole space just for themself. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-02 07:34 pm (UTC)... I won't.
( His palms slip from Hani's face just a little lower, pressing along their jaw, the beginnings of their neck; his fingers press in against the flesh, the nails light. )
I like you this way.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-02 07:56 pm (UTC)… Enough to eat me, too? Eat me, if you want.
[ they sit pliant for him, through the tremors, through the overflow. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-02 08:24 pm (UTC)... Are you afraid of storms?
( Your storm. The other hand, the one still somewhere between neck and jaw, seems to almost cradle the head into it, his fingers tangling into Hani's shorter hair along the back. His lips, reddish and a little wet, trace along the corner of Hani's lips, his jaw; then downward, still. Not kisses, but sensation of a path.
Hani's neck, spread clear - head so subtly held away, shoulder so gently pressed down - looks as lovely as they like to say other people are. He wonders if they think so, about themself. It's here he rests his lips, gently pushing Hani back with his slight weight, where the neck meets shoulder, in that tender curve, and he bites - fiercely - enough to leave a mark; maybe a little bit to bleed, if he must.
And in the centre of the ache, the radiating heat, he finally presses his lips down - and runs his tongue along the deep ridges left by his teeth, as if a sort of ritual that comes with a meal. )
no subject
Date: 2023-09-02 09:08 pm (UTC)[ if so, that would explain hani’s complicated feelings for mithrun. slow at first, not a whisper of warning in the air. then the sudden, sweeping way it happened taking everything all at once.
hani breathes in sharply when they feel the bite. the final hitched note of a whimper escapes them with the feel his tongue. unable to help themself, needing some sort of anchor, their hands crawl up the small of his back, bunching up his shirt to touch scarred skin. ]
I feel the most like one when I’m with you and him. I could drown the world and it would be alright if I could just keep the two of you.
[ not safe. just keep the two of them trapped in hani’s storm as the wind of their wants whip water and tears and more around, stealing the breath from their lungs and filling it with the otherness they feel. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-03 08:02 am (UTC)... But you don't.
( His breath is warm along the tendered skin as he mouths in against where the neck meets the jaw, where the skin is thin and delicate. An implication that he might bite into them again - but he doesn't. Not yet. Until then, there's anticipation, and his fingers curling into Hani's hair, nails light against their scalp. )
Do you know Tylor loves you?
( Held splayed like this, neck exposed, at his metaphorical mercy - his argument. He meant it, when he'd asked, if nothing else. )
no subject
Date: 2023-09-03 01:28 pm (UTC)[ for you to be in love with me, just a little, like I am with you.
hani wants his teeth again. it would be so lovely, they think, if the bites healed wrong and left the impression of teeth and desire on their skin forever. would it act as a balm to everything confusing, conflicting tangled within them? no, probably not. but it would help in some way. they love him, so it would help. love helps.
then mithrun say justy’s name and hani lets out a wet noise that could be a sob or a laugh. ]
I know. I know. [ of course, they know. they love him so much. that’s why they’re here. here to - ] He loves you, too. We love you, too.
[ neck still exposed and if mithrun were to hold a blade to it, hani would accept all the same for the crime of wanting three to become one. ]
Let’s talk to him - right now. Don’t let him leave himself behind.
[ again. ]
You know he would.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-03 06:55 pm (UTC)But Hani doesn't want to linger on themself. Mithrun had suspected they came here for this purpose and they confirm as much now, even though Mithrun had wanted to linger on the thing they said just before - I'm waiting for you to want it - because it's not a sentiment he'd ever thought of before.
But Hani is here for this. And Mithrun can't say he wants them any more than he can say he wants Tylor - though, apparently, this metric he uses is wrong. His mouth lingers there before, finally, he pulls away, righting himself. His fingers slip from Hani's hair and their shoulder, and all that's left is the bruise forming on their skin. )
... Fine.
( It's not a happy concession, but it is agreement - Tylor would. Frustrating as it is. )
no subject
Date: 2023-09-03 07:39 pm (UTC)at least there’s that.
they offer mithrun a smile that's a little sorry, a little unfair. ]
Okay.
[ hani nods at mithrun, putting away all the wistful little parts of themself. neat little stacks, tucked away, for another rainy day of emotional overflow.
finally, they wake justy up with a text thats a little too brazen in their affection to be solely japanese. a product from another walk of life. ]
おはよう、僕の愛しい人。いまskypeしてもいいのかい
[ then they press the call button whether he answers the text or not. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-03 08:04 pm (UTC)The phone rings.
And rings.
Until a groggy voice, innocent with sleep and unhurried pipes up from the other end-- ]
Mmm... もしもし
no subject
Date: 2023-09-03 08:34 pm (UTC)He doesn't say anything. He doesn't know what to say besides, "Okay, you can talk to me, stop being sad." But he doesn't think he's meant to say that right now. It's awkward and uncomfortable, and he doesn't like feeling like this.
He looks away, making it probably clear to Hani he doesn't have words on him right now. )
no subject
Date: 2023-09-03 08:51 pm (UTC)It's okay. We love you as you are. You don't need to know the words. I don't know either.
[ absentmindedly, they say to justy: ]
Remember to hold the phone away from your face, so you can see us, Justy-kun. Good morning.
[ their phone is held in a loose grip, angling the camera enough to catch most of hani and some of mithrun. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-03 09:10 pm (UTC)Good morning~ did you want to--
[ When his eyes open, he pauses with a blink on Morgan.
Different, but the same. Beautiful. His heart swells the same as it does in game. And for a moment he forgets he isn't there with them in person. He won't dwell on the dull ache of it.
But Morgan doesn't want to talk to him. Even now it's the vibe he's picking up from another time zone. So his gaze slides to Hani with a question in his slight frown. He almost asks in Japanese, but that would be rude.
He sounds cheery enough when his smile returns-- ]
Oh, hi Morgan! Wow, I can't believe we're all on our first three way call together. I didn't even dress up.
[ back to back jokes, because hes better at that than being serious ]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-03 09:45 pm (UTC)But the voice body had been all wrong. Remembering it just makes him feel all twisted up all over again.
Mithrun's lips part. There's a lot of ways he could start here. There's a lot of things he should probably say - and they contend with his impulse to stay silent, an ultimate lack of desire to fix anything damaged or broken.
So what he says when he speaks muttering and low is just an expression of that uncomfortable twisting in his stomach, in his chest: )
... I killed Fandaniel.
( His gaze not on Tylor or Hani. He just looks vaguely down and ahead at a seaside window, and he endless ocean waves )
no subject
Date: 2023-09-03 09:57 pm (UTC)their slant a questioning look at justy. if hani doesn’t know, then justy must know. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-03 10:16 pm (UTC)Because while he might have looked like Fandaniel, he had never felt like him. In the video, he is still until he very suddenly isn't-- ]
Ah! [ Tylor sits up suddenly, tank top straps askew. But that sound of realization quickly becomes a sound of falling off his bed tangled in blankets as the video feed spins-- ] uwahh! ow.
[ enjoy the view of his ceiling until Tylor rights himself and is leaning over his phone.
As if Morgan isn't aware that it was him, Tylor sounds genuine-- ] I sure am sorry, Morgan.
But that wasn't really Fanny. It was me the whole time. But don't feel too bad! You're so strong now, I bet you'll beat him for real next time.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-03 10:23 pm (UTC)I know that was you, the first time.
( He should clarify that he learned that as Tylor died, but he feels that's obvious. )
I hunted down the real one later.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-03 10:43 pm (UTC)[ But that doesn't help any. He thought he'd figured it out, but Tylor slumps almost out of frame. Just his big eyes and wild hair-- ]
And yeah, of course you knew it. You're way too smart not to have figured that out.
[ A pause, where his only braincell is grasping. He just woke up and his mind feels like it's already being taken on a confusing ride.
This might be a dream. After an uncertain glance to Hani, he looks away too-- ]
Well, I'm sorry anyway. [ Eyes back on Morgan, remorseful-- ] For whatever I did to upset you.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-03 11:07 pm (UTC)”... I was the one who did the hurting. I can't be hurt. But he doesn't see himself as hurt. And... He doesn't know how to be upset with me.”
ah.
well, they’ll just say it. ]
That’s wrong, Justy-kun. [ mild and patient. ] Will you take some of those words back? I know you mean them, but keep them for another time.
[ that… works, right? mmm… what else. ]
And no more apologies from you tonight. If you want to apologize, you’ll have to say something else instead, like, “I love you,” or “dogs are cute.” What seems like a small mistake might cut deeper than we think, you know, and apologies may chafe the wound.
[ that explanation is good enough, hani decides. to mithrun, they murmur: ]
He doesn’t know how to be upset with you, but you were actually upset with yourself, weren’t you? …Are you still?
no subject
Date: 2023-09-03 11:23 pm (UTC)Hani, though, puts some pause to his thoughts, and his frown grows - though not severe in the way it might've been.
Quiet but still audible to Tylor: )
... He looked like he was hurting, when I killed him.
( And he doesn't know why he remembers or cares so much. But Tylor acting like it's nothing - even in that final moment - frustrates him. He wants to hit Tylor for not hitting him.
So, yeah, he's still upset with himself. And he doesn't know himself well enough to comprehend why he doesn't regard the incident with his usual callous indifference. )
no subject
Date: 2023-09-04 01:00 am (UTC)[ Tylor agrees easily enough in his own confusion. He watches the exchange, picking up on their body language and the words he manages to catch. ]
No, don't worry, it wasn't that b-- [ For once, he catches him in the middle of being cheerily dismissive, cutting himself off after a glance to Hani. To Morgan.
Visible now that he's shuffled the camera down, he frowns and tries to reorganize. Morgan is upset and he's only making it worse. But why would reassuring him that he's fine be the wrong thing? It feels like the wrong thing.
Tylor doesn't piece together the road map, from Hani breaking him and lovingly putting him together again to now. But it makes the gravel in his throat easier to swallow, the water easier to tread. ]
It... did hurt. [ A frown, as he shifts a little.
Morgan's never heard him like this, vulnerable-- ] Actually, it hurt a lot. I felt like I was really dying. And all I wanted to do was hold you and see your face.
But that part didn't hurt my feelings any.
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Date: 2023-09-04 02:01 am (UTC)Because you know he didn’t mean to, that he might not have known it was you in Master’s body. [ slowly, working through justy’s thought process and adding their little flourishes on things: ] It’s not that the pain didn’t matter at all, but Morgan-kun was more important to you at the time. And to Mithrun-kun, your pain was more important because he had accidentally caused it. And he didn’t mean to or want to.
[ hani thinks there’s more to it, but that’s something for mithrun to work out on his own. or add to, if he wants. ]
And just as we don’t dismiss the fact that Mithrun-kun, Morgan-kun is important… it wouldn’t be fair to us if you were dismissive about your pain, Justy-kun. So try not to, or I’ll make you cry.
[ they hug mithrun around the waist. ]
Anything else?
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Date: 2023-09-05 04:09 am (UTC)So he's surprised when Tylor seems to pause and reassess, open up into a more tender version of himself, a sort of expression on him Mithrun isn't sure he's seen before. Was this Hani's touch, or was this something he had missed in the few days he wasn't there?
It was something to wonder, later. But right now, Hani slips an arm around his waist as they mediate - a mediation he doesn't comment on, because there's answers here he doesn't have himself - and Tylor seems like he has something else to say. At least, it seems that way to Mithrun. )
... "That part" didn't hurt you.
Then what did?
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Date: 2023-09-05 04:27 am (UTC)So instead, his gaze wanders and he draws up his knees to hold and rest his head on now that he's back up on his bed. It's easy to tell how small his places is, just from the amount of things crammed into it. Laundry, empty sake bottles, cups, and a poster of a pretty lady on a beach hung up on the wall behind him when Tylor settles in again.
When Hani hugs Morgan, Tylor squeezes his legs subtly. His smile is smooshed, but he agrees anyway. ]
Okay, you're right.
[ But he blinks at Morgan's question, shifting and dropping his gaze again.
It's painful to admit. Enough that it's probably easy to almost hear the dismissive responses when he opens his mouth and shuts it a few times. It wasn't that bad.
I'm fine now.
You don't have to like me, I don't mind.
It's alright if you want to leave.
Until eventually, I missed you makes his gut flip. ]
... I want you to live your life the way you want. Whatever makes you happy.
[ The first part comes easy. But the last sounds ss if this is the most difficult thing in the world to force out of his suddenly dry mouth-- ] But not knowing whether you liked me or not anymore, that was worse than dying.
[ A blink, trying to move on-- ] Oh. I'm so-- Uh, I mean. Dogs are cute, but I really am okay though. I promise! Man, I'm really glad we've cleared all of this up!
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Date: 2023-09-05 07:06 am (UTC)He almost misses it, when Tylor admits the bit worming through his heart, quieter and quicker than Mithrun thinks it ought to be. He doesn't know why - Tylor would think that. Mithrun's not someone who's particularly adept at handling anxiety. But he said it to Hani once, he thinks - the more you love someone, the more you worry. Stupid as it is, baseless as it is.
Maybe Tylor's heart is just too big, and that's why Mithrun can't really grasp it. The rest of Tylor isn't so big as he'd thought.
Unreassuringly, Mithrun's expression remains a frown, which only seems to grow as Tylor stumbles to a clumsy finish to tie things off with a bow. Not the greatest expression to give someone afraid you stopped caring for them.
He pushes from the couch suddenly, taking to his feet. )
Log on. I only need a minute.
( He glances at Hani in acknowledgment that they won't be involved in this, but there's nothing much for it with the restriction of headsets. At least he's sincere that he only needs a minute. )
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