hani blinks down at their phone. that… makes sense, but why hadn’t they ever considered it before? they knew that in a way already, they guess, from the way he deflects compliments. but it’s never occurred to them to summarize it like this: that justy doesn’t love himself… he had let go of his past self. hani wonders if he would let go of his current self, too, if he could.
would mithrun do both if he could? probably. give up everything to become… hollowed out? maybe, so that he didn’t have to keep disliking himself; so that he didn’t have to strain himself to like anything, to want anything like a starving creature.
and hani, who doesn’t give themself much thought, would never think to do either. ]
Then that’s more for me to cover and love, and I would do it gladly. That’s what I’ll be made for.
Yes. Please.
[ they’ll marinate about mithrun for a bit and respond to that once they’re logged in. justy will give them time, he’ll wait. ]
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Date: 2023-09-08 05:55 am (UTC)[ though it’s not a contest. they swallow, painfully, at the mention of envy.
“i prefer (you) to (me).”
despite what they supposedly had that mithrun didn’t, it still wasn’t enough to matter. ]
I can be pretty for you, but I could never love myself the way you love me.
[ never. it’s kind of jarring to realize they don’t really feel much for themself at all. ]
My throat isn’t so bad. I’ll say anything you want. I don’t want to wait anymore.
I don’t really understand it either, but… it felt like… he needs that anger to validate his feelings. About himself.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-08 06:03 am (UTC)I can log in.
I don't think he likes himself very much. I don't know how to show him he's more than an ashtray, I thought I was but
no subject
Date: 2023-09-08 12:31 pm (UTC)hani blinks down at their phone. that… makes sense, but why hadn’t they ever considered it before? they knew that in a way already, they guess, from the way he deflects compliments. but it’s never occurred to them to summarize it like this: that justy doesn’t love himself… he had let go of his past self. hani wonders if he would let go of his current self, too, if he could.
would mithrun do both if he could? probably. give up everything to become… hollowed out? maybe, so that he didn’t have to keep disliking himself; so that he didn’t have to strain himself to like anything, to want anything like a starving creature.
and hani, who doesn’t give themself much thought, would never think to do either. ]
Then that’s more for me to cover and love, and I would do it gladly. That’s what I’ll be made for.
Yes. Please.
[ they’ll marinate about mithrun for a bit and respond to that once they’re logged in. justy will give them time, he’ll wait. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-08 12:51 pm (UTC)Will it make you happy? You're so smart I think you could do whatever you want with your life. Well, with me there too, of course.
Already logging in~☆